starting over

I had enough of arguing over again & again

I had enough of him saying vulgarities & insulting words during arguments

I had enough of being angry with him

I had enough of his hurtful & threatening actions

I had enough of his concern & care

I had enough of him loving me

I had enough of everything

I don't want to be a motivation for him

I want him to live his own life

I don't want support from him either

I want to start new phase of my life now...





finally..
this time I heard him say truthfully " I don't like you anymore".
When I heard him say that..I don't know whether I'm sad or happy.
It seems both..instead it gives me courage for myself to continue my own life.

I want to give up in him..
I don't want to love him anymore.
I won't lie to say that my feelings are not there
but it'll be gone after time (:


I am afraid to love..afraid to love the wrong person again.
Mistakes had learnt & I will not to take the wrong steps again.
Sometimes we hope that things doesn't change..
but how I wish for me that things will change....


think I need something new
think I need another new life
think I need to get back to track with myself
think the truth is quite clear



** to 223rd girlfriends who's always there helping me:
I had told my mum everything..I didn't want to hide from her already
& I can't stand doing things without her knowing..
it may seems a bit late to say but better than not saying cuz
Guilty is the biggest fear.
No need to worry..luckily everything is alrite (:



today seems to be a good day (:
the sky outside my window is dark..it's going to rain haha!
I am trying to live on & learning from this 10 things..


1) Love myself

2) Be positive, confident, calm and decisive

3) Accept, not expect
(don't always expect things to happen, why don't we just accept how things will happen)

4) Think I am insignificant
(it's better not to think whether you are important to people..just be happy with how they treat you & whom you are to them)

5) Be oblivious to your surrounding
(sometimes being more unaware of things may make life easier to live)

6) Take pleasure in pain
(we always see pain as a bad thing..but pain maybe an enjoyable thing depending on how you perceived & treat it - if you understand about it, you'll know that it can be a pleasure thing!)

7) See things as they are
(if things or situations occurred..just see it as how it goes..don't emphasize or have too strong desires over it - see it as how they are!)

8) Accept that all things come to an end
(we all know that we will die one day becuz nothing can live forever..so now tell myself that many things will end so why don't enjoy the process instead?)

9) Love failures
(Failure is something no one will want to face but after you've gone through the taste of it, you will slowly think that you like it becuz you've learnt from it)

10) Be like a child
(Being like a child where there's no self-indulgence or excessive thinking..the key words that describe a child is "Just do it!" - they don't think so much & enjoying with their own explorations)





thank you.

po