we have only one life to do what we want to do

after departure of someone close,
i always think that we should live our life to fullest.

What does living life to fullest?

Living in the ups and down of life, yet enjoying the bitter n sweet.
Pursue your dreams and wishes, regardless how unrealistic it can possibly be.
Be dare to do what you want to do, as we only have one life to write our own history.
Have courage on getting out the next step, because it is not good to live with regrets.


However,

this moment in life, suddenly I felt that I couldn't really live to the fullest.
When I have to really consider other people's opinion and feelings, I couldn't just go ahead doing what I have been dreaming for.

I'm stuck between something which many people might have encountered situation before..
When ask to choose between love and dreams.. which most guys should have stuck in between love and career.
How can we pursue our dreams when our love ones did not give a thumb up to their partner?
Not only that, by doing it, it will be something that might affect the relationship, unhappiness may arise.

After getting stuck in between, I have to make a choice.
This is something terrible.

After I make the choice,
EITHER pursue dreams - end up relationship affected (unhappiness of partner - make myself unhappy in continuing to pursue as well)
OR giving up dreams - relationship not affected - but myself living with regret.


No matter which choices I picked, definitely I have to go through it.


Somehow, I felt not only regret. but sad.
Sad because I didnt know relationship can be so brittle.
I didnt expect my partner to disagree to what I wanted to pursue.
And thought that my partner will always give full support and encouragement to what I wanting to do and pursue.


There were twice occasions when I was really affected or maybe hurt by the response of my partner. Both regarding to the pursuit of my dreams.
But reponses given from my partner were..
" maybe I'm not ready to pursue that dream due to my own unstability in emotions" when I'm determined to be a therapist.
And now stopping me from pursuing another dream which I really enjoyed in was
" you can just go and do what you want and no need to care about my opinions" when I just want to do something that I really enjoy - live music.


Well, I guess this will be hard to get over with..
I might have some regrets living with me forever,
but I will still tell myself to try and grab hold of all the chances and opportunities that can bring me nearer to my dreams.

Like what my mum had always said " sometimes chances don't just come by easily, no matter what, just go ahead and try do it, be confident of myself! "