we have only one life to do what we want to do

after departure of someone close,
i always think that we should live our life to fullest.

What does living life to fullest?

Living in the ups and down of life, yet enjoying the bitter n sweet.
Pursue your dreams and wishes, regardless how unrealistic it can possibly be.
Be dare to do what you want to do, as we only have one life to write our own history.
Have courage on getting out the next step, because it is not good to live with regrets.


However,

this moment in life, suddenly I felt that I couldn't really live to the fullest.
When I have to really consider other people's opinion and feelings, I couldn't just go ahead doing what I have been dreaming for.

I'm stuck between something which many people might have encountered situation before..
When ask to choose between love and dreams.. which most guys should have stuck in between love and career.
How can we pursue our dreams when our love ones did not give a thumb up to their partner?
Not only that, by doing it, it will be something that might affect the relationship, unhappiness may arise.

After getting stuck in between, I have to make a choice.
This is something terrible.

After I make the choice,
EITHER pursue dreams - end up relationship affected (unhappiness of partner - make myself unhappy in continuing to pursue as well)
OR giving up dreams - relationship not affected - but myself living with regret.


No matter which choices I picked, definitely I have to go through it.


Somehow, I felt not only regret. but sad.
Sad because I didnt know relationship can be so brittle.
I didnt expect my partner to disagree to what I wanted to pursue.
And thought that my partner will always give full support and encouragement to what I wanting to do and pursue.


There were twice occasions when I was really affected or maybe hurt by the response of my partner. Both regarding to the pursuit of my dreams.
But reponses given from my partner were..
" maybe I'm not ready to pursue that dream due to my own unstability in emotions" when I'm determined to be a therapist.
And now stopping me from pursuing another dream which I really enjoyed in was
" you can just go and do what you want and no need to care about my opinions" when I just want to do something that I really enjoy - live music.


Well, I guess this will be hard to get over with..
I might have some regrets living with me forever,
but I will still tell myself to try and grab hold of all the chances and opportunities that can bring me nearer to my dreams.

Like what my mum had always said " sometimes chances don't just come by easily, no matter what, just go ahead and try do it, be confident of myself! "

stoopitt

sometimes do we ever think about feeling regret?


regret doing wrong things
regret not doing certain things
regret making that choice
regret without thinking wisely
regret making the decision
regret that in future might regret
regret for regretting the regret



but what is the regret that always lingering?

becuz we tend to put stronger emphasize on the lost, the bad, the negative and the wrongs.

and celebrations for the right and good tend to be temporary.

hence we will reprimand.


why can't we have positive regrets? hah!

despair syndrome

i don't know why

but

sometimes

i've got the urge to leave



the desire to return to her

search for her accompainment

& security to live on

purpose in life

sometimes i would look & think back

what is the purpose of living in life?

u live to fulfill your dreams?

u live to pursue your goals?

u live because you are living?

u live with a chapter of history u've created for yourself..

but i realise everyone has similarity in their exchanges of life story..


a standard scenario to all urban people will be
having education, entering into society, job & career, marriage & family & later life..


i really wonder.. so much ..
' what if you have pursuit the highest qualification in education? '

.... just becuz this is the outcome of a industralised society that put us into this situation!


if we look at the later life,
we had achieved, but we can't carry this achievement to our burial..


during living process,
we study hard, we work hard, we earned hard..
but do we really enjoy it?


u tired yourself out, squeezed yourself to the maximum, exploit the fullest potential, conquering all challenges, performed the greatest power...

u enjoyed.. u felt a sense of achievement + confidence..

but in the end, it's just a name in memorial to this huge planet..

then the cycles repeat again..


on contrary, if we don't push ourselves to limit, we don't feel good, no confidence, very vulnerable, like an empty shell.. and we'll be wasting away this period of life..

no one wants to lead this kind of lifestyle.



but really.. thinking back....


so what if i really felt i had achieved my goals, my dreams, my aim in life?

i'm just gaining my personal commitment to life..which can't be shared with others..




seeing about life,
looking at the surrounding,
searching for the purpose..




in each individual's life, the greatest achievement in living, is actually living other's life, and not purely living own life..

weather is hot, i'm hot-tempered too

" un-compatible " definition:

not capable of existing/ performing in harmonious, agreeable, or congenial combination with another or others









not compatible
not harmonious
can't come to an agreement
struggling
tired to wait for reply
lost motivations
no enthusiasm
has been disappointed




i've given up
on any hopes
that may change situations

i don't know why
but i'm not looking forward anymore

disheartened

the process of waiting,

it seems long but yet

looking forward very much to something

but waiting in suspense..

time,

is the killer of everything..

when u waited & waited,

doing nothing,

in the end,

u decided to give up waiting

& move on doing other things.

“The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope will never entirely removes ”

maybe i'm over looking forward?

maybe i'm expecting too much but in the end did not happen like that?

maybe i shouldn't have just waited for u & i should go ahead with my things?

u don't seems to understand why i feel so disheartened & disappointed about u..

maybe u think that i'm throwing a tantrum?

maybe u don't seem that it's really a big fuss?

maybe u think that it's not a major issue having someone waiting for u or can just tell the perosn not to wait for u?

initial,

the waiting is becuz i'm looking forward.

expecting to meet u.

i don't mind waiting.

appreciative is easy to express.

but do u really truly appreciated?

if i didn't voice out how i felt,

would u feel sorry about what u did for not planning beforehand?

would u appreciate my accompany & accomodating towards your time?

i've explained enough.

i'm not going to let myself to wait aimlessly anymore.

i feel very disheartened & disappointed.

disheartened about the situation (as this is not first time that i've waited in similar cases)

disappointed about your managing & planning ( if u wouldn't know what time u'll finish, then don't lift up my expectations on looking forward)

in a situation like this,

no one is wrong or right.

i can only admit myself for expecting too much.

i'll drop on whatever expectations that i have next time & just accept.

I didn't know you're still visiting this lil' space..

 

日本に行く ！ 私は、この約束を決して忘れないだろう ！

 

 

 

it's easy taking it but not easy putting down